New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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