Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
