and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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