Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Moan for me like Helen Keller
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm like, not good at living.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
