i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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