its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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