You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
