omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
