Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
