How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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