Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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