Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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