just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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