new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
