We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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