in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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