I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
