just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
