i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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