your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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