I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
