I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They have beer where we have blood.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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