He disabled his match.com account in front of me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
