this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
