Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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