you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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