i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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