I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
