I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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