my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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