Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
