I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
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