So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize