in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
