I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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