Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
