I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
