just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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