:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
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I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
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He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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