i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
