I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think a kid would responsible me up
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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