So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm passing your future prison.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
