I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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