im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
