things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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