if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
