All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
