when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
