you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
