At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
