I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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