so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
