She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
