new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
