i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
