The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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