I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You are a genius and a whore.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
