I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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