I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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