I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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