found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
