I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
