do you believe in love at first sight?
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.