Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?