Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field