man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
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Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
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I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong