i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize