My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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